We're all bad, here
by TheLadyMuse
Summary: Mayuzumi is scaring Hinata (who mistook him for Kakashi), Tobio and Takao are cousins and secretly modern ninja spies. You're welcome.


**Five_Lanterns was curious about how Mayuzumi would freak out Hinata in my precious Knkverse, and I realized this tees up the plot of Inquisitio anyway (which will get an overhaul when I've got Aegis done).**

Everyone he knows (outside his family, of course) thinks he has problems or is the problem. Huffing, Tobio threw himself onto his bed and checked his Skype account. Since it was in order, he logged into the Kagami family chat. Kazunari was a good cousin, would make a good spy, but really, only Taiga or maybe Suzaku would understand him tonight.  
 ** _  
MirrorTiger is online_**

 ** _ShadowMountain is online_**

 **ShadowMountain: My team mates think I'm stupid because I'm bombing English.**

 **MirrorTiger: Fuck them. Suzaku says you have more money than they'll ever make and about ten different jobs waiting for you when you finish school. I say she's right.**

 **ShadowMountain: I kind of want to put them through one of the brain benders to make them shut up.**

 **MirrorTiger: Don't. They'll break their brains trying to figure out how you solved it.**

 **ShadowMountain: Can't I screw with them a little?**

 **MirrorTiger: No. We don't live in episodes of Naruto, and you have an exam coming up.**

 **ShadowMountain: Right, the agility one?**

 **MirrorTiger: Yes. Mayuzumi will be contacting you soon to arrange it.**

 **ShadowMountain: Chihiro?**

 **MirrorTiger: Of course fucking Chihiro. We're not Samurai-descended Genbu for crying out loud, I wouldn't send Shizuma or Asuma, they attract too much attention.**

 **ShadowMountain: Like we don't?**

 **MirrorTiger: Be realistic, Kageyama. Takao should be through tomorrow, and have enough time to catch dinner before he heads back to Edo.**

 **ShadowMountain: Got it. Tell him to drop by any time.**

 **MirrorTiger: Roger. Later.**

 **ShadowMountain: Later.**

A few days later, on his way through back to Tokyo from an intel gathering job further North, Takao bursts in on practice and declares

"Tobi-otouto, we're going to karaoke!" Rolling his eyes, Kageyama replies despite his team being dumbfounded

"No, Kazu-nii, we're not. For one thing, the girls are making dinner at my place, for another, you're supposed to be on your way to Edo." Takao waves a hand and says brightly

"Even better! And I got rerouted to a flight to Kyoto, since I have work to do before I head back to Edo." Sighing, Tobio throws his ball at Hinata and walks over to his coach and advisor, bowing first to Takeda and then to Ukai, turning to bow to his clubmates.

"Pardon me, but family tradition requires I properly host my cousin." Shimizu Kiyoko looks at Takao, who signs 'no' with the hand closest to her. Kageyama swiftly changes, hurrying to the bus stop where his cousin stands.

"Kai is dead, as is Toshiro. Indira is still in America." Takao's voice is soft, but Kageyama retains his composure and replies

"So you're next up to head the Mikazuchi?" Takao nods, and Tobio sighs. It doesn't change anything, as the Kageyama of his generation, he was always meant to serve Kagami Taiga as his second in command. Dread curling in his stomach, he asks

"Who was it?" Takao grimaces, his lips taut against his teeth and he murmurs

"A Yakuza cell unaffiliated with Vongola. Kyouya and his people were hunting them before the bodies were cold." Tobio knows his eyes are hardening, before he speaks with all the bluntness he possesses

"How does this affect out interests?" Takao weighs the question against the bus timetable, so Kageyama walks away from the stop, listening as Takao falls into step and continues in a low voice

"Haruka is still leading the Genbu, though he's unnerved his people by putting guards on them. He only accepted his own after Taiga pointed out that he is the one most often alone. Tatsuya was chosen three months ago as Miyuki's second, Tora remains head of the Kagami but everyone knows Taiga will take the seat soon. The Mikazuchi are devastated, so our Akashi and Vongola allies are picking up the slack."

Something clicks in Tobio's brain, and he queries softly

"What about the Bellonas?" Kazunari rubs a thumb over his chin before admitting

"The connection is distant, but enough that, with the votes of Cavallone, Vongola and Giglio Nero, we secured their freedom by supervising the rest of their sentence. We're fully allied to the Vongola and their own allies, now."

Nodding, Tobio falls into a silent brood, Takao soundless beside him.

Later, after dinner with his other cousins (including Kiyoko and Hisashi) Takao takes Tobio's phone and upgrades it, completely reprogramming so that he can carry out his duties as a member of a Covenant clan without being suspicious.

Instead of checking his cousins' modifications, Tobio takes a nap while there's someone on guard.

Sure, they've lived their lives in motion, spying and playing sports and training in ninja disciplines, but he's got a good family. Maybe that's why he has so many problems 'Peopling'. He hadn't even left Kagami village before middle school! He'd had only to look at someone, or sign what he wanted and it was done, his questions answered, etcetera.

And, he'd only come to Sendai at all because the Kazama sisters had been raised in this area, and he needed some semblance of camaraderie before he became the Kageyama. Kiyoko was a Mikazuchi, and Kinoshita was a Kagami, but their interests lay in different directions. Still, their Covenant pact was stronger than the bonds he'd had with his people after only a year together!

Frustrated, Tobio slept, waking to the smell of eggs and bacon, and seeing Kazunari's worried frown. Shaking his head, Tobio ate and left for training. Kazunari headed on his way, snickering when he realized Tobio hadn't checked his alterations to his phone.

Which is why, later that day, when Kageyama's phone lit up, Hinata shrieked in surprise. Answering it, he ignored his partner's sputters.

"Moshi-moshi." A light rasp answered him

"Plans changed. I'll be delayed about a week, my kouhai wants me to go over something with him in Edo." (translation: Mayuzumi has to take some hot intel for someone younger to Tokyo despite being stationed in Kyoto for the next few months)

Grunting, Tobio hung up at the same time as Mayuzumi, both quite alright with the familial dislike of pleasantries. He was annoyed when Hinata shrieked

"You know Hatake Kakashi?! Nani nani!?" Brow raised, he flicked through his contacts. Standard operating procedure was that numbers were identified with pictures that never showed actual faces, considering he never knew if he had to phone in important information. Idly, he flicked through the photos Takao had switched in from his old album.

Sure enough, MIYAMOTO HUSBANDO 1 had a picture of Hatake Kakashi next to it. Blowing out through his nose, he scrolled until he found MIKAZUCHI-KUN 1, where a picture of Hiei from YuYu Hakusho glares at him. Thumbing the dial button harder than necessary, he barked

"My freaking partner thinks I'm related to Hatake Kakashi. I'll strangle you at the next Gathering!" Hanging up on Takao's laughter, he glowered at Hinata and snarled

"My other cousin will be through sooner or later, and you can meet him yourself!"

Storming off, Tobio didn't risk looking back at Hisashi and Kiyoko. They'd be laughing their asses off as Daichi tried to shut up Hinata, probably (for the record, Sugawara, Kinoshita and Shimizu knew from the description who Hinata was screaming about, and they have resolved not to laugh too hard when Chihiro freaks out the team).

-

About a week and a half later (not long after Spring High Prelims) Karasuno had gathered with a few other teams for preparation practice games. Tobio was coming off the court with the rest of Karasuno when a gray haired man stepped forward, seemingly out of the shadows to clap him on the shoulder and tell him

"That was a good game, Tobio."

The gymnasium erupted in shouts as he accepted the water bottle he was handed, eying his cousins' husband warily. Aside from his pride and enviable self-respect, Mayuzumi Chihiro is a talented actor, spy (consequently a good liar) and occasionally, an asshole. Since he's never been anything but adoring to Honami, they let it slide, but it's kind of annoying.

Mayuzumi ignores the ruckus to add softly

"Honami wanted to be here, but she was delayed, and then rerouted to Kurihara." (translation: all known 'Mikazuchi Brides', a trophy actively hunted by human traffickers, have been asked to return to Kagami Village, most secure of all the Covenant holdings)

Nodding, Tobio accepts the praise for what it is, acknowledgement by another athlete. He knows Mayuzumi's not lying when he mentions his wife. They'd tested it, once, if he could lie when thinking of her. And he can't, if he or Honami is related to the person he's trying to lie to.

Chihiro looks from the quivering Hinata to the bewildered Ushijima, and drawls

"Not going to introduce me, Tobio? I'm so hurt." Before Kageyama can say anything, Hinata blurts

"Y-you're Kakashi!" Tobio rolls his eyes, huffs and says dryly

"Sorry, Hiro-nii, Kazu-nii switched your photo for Hatake in my phone last I saw him." Turning to address most everyone, Tobio monologues

"Everyone, this is my distant cousin, Miyamoto Honami's husband, Mayuzumi Chihiro, author of the Season Light series and Lovers Aerie." Mayuzumi rolls his eyes and mutters that Tobio is a little shit, which he has to admit that he is when Asahi turns bright red and faints, at the same time that the guys with his cousins (those in the area anyway) pinch their noses. Ukai exclaims something Tobio doesn't catch, and there's a stampede of people lining up for autographs.

If they knew he married a spymaster of the next generation of Oniwabanshuu, they would run screaming. That is, if they knew what the Oniwabanshuu is and how viciously we guard those precious to our own.

Tobio mused on that as Hinata kept bouncing around, and even Ushijima appeared interested when Tendou realized Mayuzumi had collaborated with Kasuga Ryuuhei, the creator of one of his favourite mangas. It was kind of funny to see the arrogant, weird looking middle blocker beg for an autograph from Chihiro.

Who took everything in his usual unflappable stride, until his phone buzzed and he answered it, his face softening into a devastating smile. As the people around them flailed due to his cousins' attractiveness when he smiled, Tobio wondered what the test would be this time. He'd submit the paperwork to Chihiro before he left, but the physical feats…

"Honami wants to talk to you." As he accepts the phone, Tobio can see how Chihiro's raspy voice affects the girls and more flamboyant boys. Pressing the device to his ear, he hummed in his throat to show Honami he was listening. She giggled, once, twice, before asking gently

"Would you mind getting my 'Hiro to dance tonight?" Mind clattering through the possibilities, Tobio answers almost automatically

"Sure. We'll light a bonfire on the beach and blast the speakers." She laughs again and teases

"Can you manage that much time away from volleyball?" Huffing, he shot back

"Yeah. And Hiro-nii will probably make me shoot hoops at some point, anyway." Chihiro chuckles, and Tobio realizes he doesn't know if or who travelled with the former basketball player. Shit. Is Taiga here? He better not be, this his last year of high school.

Passing the phone back to Chihiro, who starts murmuring to his wife again, Kageyama checks his phone, shivering when he finds a few disturbing texts.

KAGA-TAICHOU 2: In the area with MH 1 and HIMU-TAICHOU 2. We're hosting a party at Kageton house. Late celebration for prelims.

HIMU-TAICHOU 2: You're not getting out of the party. Invite your team at least.

OTOU-SAMA: Listen to your cousins.

Sighing, Kageyama announces casually

"My cousins are throwing Karasuno a late party for winning prelims. You're all invited." Oikawa jerks, but Iwaizumi (who had formally accepted Shizuha's Covenant years ago now) nodded resignedly. There were a few others who nodded, of course, but Tobio was paying more attention to the way Asahi-sempai had yet to get up.

Was that a nosebleed?

Dismissing his thoughts, writing down directions, Kageyama then headed for Mayuzumi's rental once he was dismissed, as the day would no longer be productive. Chihiro slid into the driver's seat a little later, still all modern elegance and natural lethal intensity. Tilting his head, Tobio offered

"There's a photo of Honami in my father's office at the house. It's from your wedding." Leaking a little intensity, Mayuzumi calmed. Just enough that his driving would not be a hazard. Aware that his mouth was setting in a hard line, Tobio sulked. It was in his nature to be utterly devoted, like every other member of his family, and yet…

He was shaken from his thoughts as Mayuzumi drove up to the house, snickering when Tobio jumped in surprise. Shaking himself again, Tobio got out of the car and grabbed his bag, tossing it into the laundry room before making his way to the kitchen, where he could already hear the soft tones of Kagami Taiga and Himuro Tatsuya's voices.

Like his cousin through his mother, Mikazuchi Suzaku, Himuro Tatsuya was built like a ninja. Long, lean and graceful, he exuded sharp cunning and carefully wielded menace. Kagami Taiga, his sworn liege lord, was his opposite in every way, obviously built like his samurai ancestors. Massive shoulders, strong limbs and a predatory grin completed the look.

However, eternal rivals though both men were, their brotherhood was carved in the rings around their necks. Unlike them, Tobio carried his oath in the form of a tattoo. Or he would, when he was 'old enough' to rebel and get one. He'd already decided he wanted a tiger leaping out of his shoulder. If he'd played basketball, he'd have to cover it. As was, all his uniforms and most of his sports attire would cover it.

Taiga was cooking as Tatsuya chopped ingredients, the food twice as much as needed for an army, but Tobio knew it would be gobbled up quickly. Saluting his lords, he walked out to the main compound and checked the torches in their brackets. No, they wouldn't actually light a fire on the beach, but the modernized dojo where he'd been placed had several torch brackets, plexigas windbreaks and spacious rooms and courtyards.

Humming to himself, Tobio made sure the tables were out, the torches lit, before he sought out Chihiro. Instead of questioning each other, as most people would, Tobio gestured to the outbuilding that had been converted into a gym years ago. Together, they played HORSE without speaking, Chihiro guarding Tobio when his muscles sparked with memory of afternoons challenging Taiga during vacations.

His other cousins- mostly girls- filtered in with their partners as what was left of the afternoon waned. Kiyoko, Sugawara and Hisashi arrived together, helping with set up as Tobio received notification texts of when other cousins were arriving with their boyfriends' teams.

By the time Karasuno, Shiratorizawa, Seijoh, Datekou, Johzenji and the coaches had arrived, the Kageton Dojo was vibrating with life. Discreet speakers that didn't ruin the aesthetics of the building hummed with rock-n-roll music, food smells were coming from the kitchen and buffet area, most of the furniture had been moved out of the way, the important doors locked unobtrusively.

Tapping Chihiro's shoulder as Fall Out Boy's Irresistable came on, Kageyama took up a boxing pose and started belting out the lyrics. Chihiro was the first but not the last cousin to jump in, either on singing or dancing.

No world is perfect, and we're all bad, here, but this…

Tobio thinks to himself, watching as Hinata tries to covertly observe Chihiro as he flickers in and out of sight (he's done it so long now, like Kuroko Tetsuya, if he doesn't control it, he seems made of smoke), an ability only made possible by his own ninja heritage.

Shaking his head, Tobio returns to the party, and tries to push away the concern bubbling in the back of his mind (why are the known Mikazuchi brides being evacuated?). He doesn't entirely succeed, and maybe that's a good thing, he finds out later.


End file.
